Naked Attraction Bares More Than All Of It
If the title didn’t turn you away, let’s talk about the pro-nudity U.K. show that started streaming Sept. 20 on Max
This week I saw more up-close shots of genitals, skin, tattoos, and toes than I have in my whole life and I wasn’t left feeling shameful or whatever weird state you go into after masturbating. Instead, I gained new knowledge about our bodies and behaviors (left breasts are usually larger because it’s protecting the heart? People with over 100 moles on their body appear younger to others? Men with more defined jawlines tend to prefer casual sex?) and found myself genuinely rooting for the nude strangers baring it all in their colorful little boxes that doubled as magician escape tombs. Most importantly, none of this was learned through some Pornhub x CrashCourse collaboration. I experienced all of this and more watching Naked Attraction.
The premise of the U.K. show, whose six seasons are streaming on Max now, is truly insane to these sensitive American ears. It’s a date in reverse, claims the premise, where participants can see their potential date naked first, make inane conversation second. One contestant, along with cheery host Anna Richardson, faces six boxes lit up in a different color. Inside each box is a potential date that has a quality (physical or otherwise, it’s never specified) that the choosing contestant indicated a preference for. The chooser eliminates one person as each part of their body is slowly revealed (bottom half, second half, face, voice) and eventually strip down themselves before choosing a date. Interspersed with the game show aspect are adorably animated lessons about anatomy, sex, and the science of attraction.
This is a show that feels impossible to recreate in the U.S. Our national sexual politics are in a constant state of warfare, a paradox that ricochets from a taboo to a necessity and back again in a constant loop. On The Bachelor/ette, the overnights rely on instant cutaways and implications, God forbid we get to see any kind of FOREPLAY in a REALITY DATING SHOW! There’s no shortage of nudity on our screens, from the reality shock value of Naked and Afraid to the gratuitous high school sex on Euphoria. But our puritanical culture struggles with depicting sex or nudity as a normal part of life on this side of the pond.
Naturally, there’s been an instant freak out since the show started streaming. The British and European attitude towards sex leans laissez-faire, even relaxed at the prospect of nudity. Naked Attraction’s tone is similarly breezy, a matter-of-fact, individualized take on instant attraction. The nude form isn’t seen as a distraction or treated with derision, it’s something that’s positive and worth celebrating. Sure, not every contestant is necessarily armed with the same body-positive mindset – the premise of the show requires the choosing contestant to provide judgment based on preference – but to hear someone talk openly about what they’re physically attracted to is weirdly freeing and addicting. In the season two opener, one contestant eliminates another, citing the “strong-willed” way she stood in her box. In Mashable, Billy Procida articulates a core tenet of the series: “Only on Naked Attraction do I see public, vocalized desires for different bodies — and yes, that includes cover model bodies, too.” Not everyone wants big titties (someone tell that to teenage me in a different timeline stat) or neatly cropped pubes (in fact, one contestant was so turned off by waxing that I nearly cheered).
The power of attraction to whatever nude form you love most reigns above all else on Naked Attraction. We could only dream of airing something like this. Can you imagine the uproar, the FCC calls? We’d sooner pick up our phones to lodge a quick complaint than confront our weird relationship with nudity on television. When Janet Jackson’s breast popped out during the Super Bowl, she was the one chastised by the public for exposing herself to legions of people. (Once again… when will Justin Timberlake answer to his crimes…) Why else has The Bachelor franchise yawned its way into multiple seasons and spinoffs; we feel so safe in the sanctity of traditional horse and buggy romance. The whiff of nudity, and by extension, sex, makes us go haywire.
Naked Attraction could just be an excuse to showcase naked bodies on a national (and now more global) scale. But it was a surprise to feel soothed by people who left the experience feeling genuinely empowered when I just finished watching a half dozen breakdowns during a one week period over the talking stage (can you tell I’m hate watching Bachelor in Paradise?) After being eliminated, nearly every boxed contestant walked away with appreciation for a compliment they received or putting themselves out there. The show puts nudity front and center, but in doing so, depicts it as a joyful, normal part of our dating experience. In contrast to other shows’ promises of happily-ever-after, there’s no false guarantees of a forever romance, or even a guaranteed connection – contestants go on one date and then meet up a few weeks later to discuss what happened.
So where does that leave the audience? “Bods in pods! Bods in pods!” My boyfriend and I chanted from our couch, exhilarated from binging a whole season. “Her boobs look just like yours,” he said with affection a few minutes later, pointing out a contestant with perfectly symmetrical breasts that were at least a cup size bigger than mine. I rolled my eyes and told him to grow up, but secretly I was pleased. If that’s how someone sees me, who am I to correct their fantasy?
This week in horny:
Britney Continues To Get Her Due
Britney Spears’ memoir The Woman in Me was released this week and solidified what we had hunches about and what she’s directly told us – the legal conservatorship she was under for over a decade limited her autonomy so wholly, Justin Timberlake deserves to be in the hall of fame of worst boyfriends ever, her family is thoroughly fucked and did the opposite of protect her from the time she was a child. Buy the memoir, preferably at your local bookstore.
Another Day, Another Horny Bad Bunny Album
Last Friday, global superstar and everybody’s crush Bad Bunny released his fifth album “nadie sabe lo que va a pasar mañana,” which writer Isabelia Herrera calls “bloated but thematically focused” and “centered on some of Benito’s favorite topics: fucking, counting racks, his love for Puerto Rico” in a review for Pitchfork. I’ve listened to the album just a few times, and though Bad Bunny has undeniably achieved new levels of celebrity (recipient of several Grammys, doing double duty as host and musical guest on Saturday Night Live, dating and defending dating Kendall Jenner, etc), his sound and style is still in a league of its own. The man can use Teletubby characters to make an extended sexual metaphor on “BATICANO” while ruminating on his success over the lush sample-filled production of “Monaco.”
This Absolutely Lovely Profile Of Our First Golden Bachelor
I’ll admit it – I’ve been looking forward to the weekly episode drop of the inaugural season of The Golden Bachelor, another Bachelor spinoff. But this time the focus is on charming senior citizen Gerry Turner and his journey to find love after the 2017 death of his longtime love and wife Toni. I’ve got my favorites in his cast (Sandra, who missed her own daughter’s wedding for a chance at love with Gerry, the elegant and unfairly gorgeous Edith, and April, who faked a pickleball injury for more one-on-one time with the bachelor…), but Gerry himself has proven himself to be a mature and level-headed lead. Give me more seasons of older folks falling in love after several years of watching 20 and 30-something year olds break up!
This Picture Of Idina Menzel & Kristin Chenoweth Celebrating The 20th Anniversary of Wicked
Gen Z Wants Less Sex, More Friends (Real Of Them)
In a piece of news that supports this week’s newsletter, a new UCLA study, which surveyed 1,500 individuals between the ages of 10 to 24, found that Gen Z want less sex and more friendship depicted on their screens. In a country where we vacillate constantly from being sex-crazed to anti-sex, I cannot blame them! It’s an interesting study to read in whole, but I think the kids will be alright, regardless of how much sex they want to have or not.
Reader submission – Rare, Unearthed Horny On Main Jesse Eisenberg Interview
Thanks to my dear friend Noah for bringing this artifact to my attention, who related this interview to the opening scene of The Social Network. Jesse Eisenberg’s delivery of “you think it’s the top card?” is something I unfortunately resonated with — down bad but trying to act otherwise, and instead being extremely obvious. Thank you, Romina, for your service.
See you next week!